dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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