Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
