I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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