her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
