he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Boobs are out for the taking
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Randomize
