had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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