she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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