I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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