...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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