that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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