I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
