Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
