It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
