I hate your face
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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