You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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