I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
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