Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
