Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
