I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
