I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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