the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
