i just had sex bonerless
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
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