she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
