I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
