Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
