We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
