Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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