So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
