guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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