Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
