my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
