Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
