some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
