Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
