If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
