I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
