I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
