cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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