what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
