It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
