I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The Olympian is in my bed
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
