i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
