I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
