Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I can't put those talents on a resume
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
