Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
