You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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