Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
