My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
