Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
