You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
