Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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