I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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