Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
