He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
