I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just threw up on my dentist
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
