oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
