And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
