Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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