You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I smell like Dick and happiness
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
