I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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