she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
