it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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