I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
im about as happy as oj after his trial
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
